Understanding your motivations at work (and in life)

I'm a recovering high-achiever.

Straight-As at school, top marks on my grad scheme exam. I bought my first property aged 22 (RIP the 110% mortgage), and earned more by age 30 than my parents had ever earned.

But I was never The Best. There was always someone with better grades, someone who got promoted before me, someone who earned more. There was always more to achieve, so I kept striving.

Most of us have a constant feeling that we're not doing enough. That we're falling behind somehow. We're not doing enough, or we don't have enough, or we're not progressing fast enough. And it's not just at work - parenting and relationships are also rife with not-enoughness.

And here's the secret. This is EXACTLY how you're supposed to feel.

Capitalism is founded on the premise that More is Good. More consumption, more production, more progress.

Take performance reviews as an example. In my corporate job, our progress was assessed as either 'Underperforming', 'Meets Some', 'Meets All', 'Exceeds Expectations' or 'Outstanding'. And was anyone happy with 'Meets All'? Of course not. Unless you were at least Exceeding Expectations, it wasn't enough.

It's in other people's interest (organisations, governments, brands) for you to feel that you're not enough. Because then you'll give them more.

Personal and professional progress are essential for our self-esteem and fulfilment. But there is a crucial difference between progress on your own terms, and progress on someone else's terms.

So how do you tell the difference? Start with getting clear on WHY a particular goal is important. Let's take my current goal of getting physically stronger. There are two types of motivation for our behaviour:

1. Intrinsic / internal motivation: a drive to express who you are in the world; to bring yourself joy; to live according to your values and your dreams.

2. Extrinsic / external motivation: getting something that's OUTSIDE of you. Praise, positive feedback, money, social media likes, wanting what others have....these are all extrinsic motivations. That's not to say they aren't motivating in the short term, but in the long term they'll never make your soul sing.

For my goal (physical strength), there are certainly extrinsic motivations. I want to look conventionally attractive and for people to 'like' pictures of me. But there's also a strong intrinsic motivation - I feel powerful and calm when I'm physically strong. THIS is what I need to focus on.

Take a look at the areas of your life in which you feel you're not enough, and get honest about your motivations for wanting more. 

Make sure that the progress you strive for isn't just for the benefit of others. Make sure your progress brings YOU joy and fulfilment. Otherwise what's the damn point?